grief

today sees the funeral of a charming, always happy, boy with the most amazing smile - engaged in his faith, always pursuing a sense of fun - whose presence is sorely missed from our midst at church.

i have been so affected of late by the grief demonstrated by a group of young lads ranging from 8-11. coming away from my duties as a children's worker at church i have taken away with me images of their expressions, the limpness of their bodies as shock and grief took hold, their inability to adequately express their feelings and the longing that at their age they should not have to experience this. it has been a truly sad last few weeks and for the unforseeable future part of my role is to abide with these children in their grief - teach them about the nature of grief and enable them to feel the presence of god in their grief. i don't know how i stopped crying yesterday after praying with sam's brother. i feel heartbroken for him. i feel like i am in a state of intercession...

grief from a christian perspective enables there to be a bitter-sweet bearing of the grief. we have the assurance of eternity together with the lost loved one. that once the reuiniting has taken place there will never again be a parting. but 11 years old is too young to die. but then again when we look to other countries where thousands of african children die daily from mosquito bites and mortality rates are so low - most people not looking to live past 35-40 - it urges us to give thanks for the prospects we have in the west of longevity. but everything is relative and noone can take away the impact, shock, and grief of losing a child - it doesn't bear imagining...

grief is like the tides of the sea.... it comes in and goes out and overtakes you when you least expect. and yet again when my friend christine died i had the priviledge of praying with her a couple of days before she passed away. such a devout christian and such a witness of faith in the face of suffering with a brain tumour. such trust in god. even on her deathbed she was so fully submitted to the will of god and knew he could change her destiny in a twinkling of an eye, but even knowing he wouldn't i felt so humbled to sing praises to him with her knowing her days were so very numbered. i can only hope to have the kind of faith she had. whilst praying for her i had a strong vision of what she would look like in her transformed state and the utter joy she would experience in the presence of god... when she died i experienced an unexplainable and supernatural joy for her. it wasn't until her funeral that i cried as the revelation was so strong... she is doubtlessly still dancing in his presence!

it's not so with sam. although there is comfort in knowing where he is - the grief and sorrow of those siblings and friends left behind, grappling to express their feelings and make sense of it all makes me share in their grief. grieve with those who grieve. When one part of the body hurts, so should the other. We are a family brought together through inheritance of eternal life and the promises of Christ. We are not born of earthly parentage but by the will and spirit of God. One body, many parts. But our grieving is not without hope - therefore we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, because what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal (2 Cor 4). There is also the promise that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30). Seasons change and suffering strengthens our walk with the Lord - whereupon His presence is felt so much stronger. This too shall pass...

Today will be my son's first funeral/thanksgiving. This is the first friend he has lost. He is only 8. My daughter has inherited the strong Jamaican side of the gene pool and utterly loves a good funeral and has a healthy perspective on death - she immerses herself in the sadness of saying goodbye then, like the jamaicans i have known, has the 'life goes on' spirit and bounces back quite quickly - although often fondly remembering the person and sadly missing them from time to time. I do worry for my son today as he is so sensitive he will soak up the whole environment of grief as children with ADHD often do - hopefully not to then act it out today! He will struggle to process his emotions today... And I will be keeping an eye out for all the other children I look after at church...

It will take nothing to start me off today as at this time of the morning my emotions are there, right at the forefront as I pray for Sam's family in their difficult task today. What a challenge to entrust our loved ones back into the hands of God from whence they came... He gives and takes away. A time to be born and a time to die. Seasons of life. We have to accept these principles and the Sovereignty of God and help everyone left behind in the restoration process to access the grace and presence of God in their suffering. No matter how much we would just want Sam back with us...

Give thanks for each day... keep things in perspective...