grief...

you grabbed me by the throat today as i drove.... taking me to my destination in tears, emotionally naked whilst faced with business as usual.... i miss him... as grief once more pulls on my insides into a vacuum of the place he has left in my fulfilment.... tears rolling.... confusion and vaguety.... unhappiness.... fuzziness.... lack of concentration.... yet delivering training and focusing as a manager whilst focused internally and intently on my grief... other peoples' problems...... i have my own shit going on..... where is my comforting shoulder ?..... where is it ?..... i cannot right now help you...... you see my tears and you still want my input..... i cannot help you in your problems right now..... i got a few of my own..... yeah i'm that reliable soul in a crisis.... i am fed up of drying my tears whilst i help someone else out...... i ain't no codependent soul...... i don't have to help you to feel good....... but you can help me out by leaving me alone for a while.... treading a little sensitively about my path..... thinking about others except you for a moment..... i am hurting..... literally hurting.... a pain in my heart..... screaming on the inside my loss..... wanting to see him and missing him so badly...