Bank Holiday Weekend

Right... everyone is up to this malarky these days so i thought i would give it a go and see how long it lasts....

in this world where everything is denoted as text i could post my shopping lists, make note of my perceptions and reactions to my day, talk about my plants... and bore so many people to tears all in one go - all in the name of art!

Bank Holiday Monday..... miserable, windy, rainy day. Having a bad M.E. day - partly attributed to going out to a friend's party on friday night - followed by a stint at a really great wine bar in the inner city hosting freestyle hip hop and mcing.... how shocked was i when i entered (feeling the beats of my late teens) to realise how old i was when i cought sight of all the young women! but that didn't stop me from enjoying myself and knowing i was young once!!

came home very gin induced and ended up chatting to a friend until the early hours....

saturday - what a day!!! my daughter's 5th birthday. such a proud day for her to reach the pinnacle of 5. we had madly invited 25 children to share her day with her and had organised children's workers from church to come and entertain the troops. i spent all day preparing food, opening presents with my daughter, making sure they were all washed and ready for 3 pm.... all with a mild hangover!! ophir turned up looking like macy gray but with barbie dress and shoes! 3 hours of bedlam and excitement ensued..... face painting, games with parachutes, party food, crafty activities - decorating boxes, musical bumps and statues (i had to join in at this point), cake and all sorts of merriment. it was a good day... ophir fell asleep about 11 pm whilst we were on our 5th and final charlie and lola story.... i love charlie and lola!!

sunday: church and playing with new toys.... getting a bratz doll out of its box is an olympic event... whoever had the idea that you should bind all plastic toys tightly with as much wire and string as possible ? whoever it was - get a life!!!!

church was an amazing experience yesterday... god spoke into the depths of my heart. i love the sound of his voice as it comforts my soul. brings relief to my fears and mends all that is broken (even though i hadn't realised it was). my heart is held safe in his hands... whilst his healing oil flows through me. i am like clay in his hand - he moulds, remoulds and forms me as he sees fit... i lean fully on his chest, my lover, he is my beloved and i am his... he knows my frame, knows everything about me... before i even issue a word he knows it, knows me intimately, intricately, formed me and i love him.

as i sit by the pool of bathesda the lord send his angels to stir up the water... he holds my heart firmly yet with soft care. he comes to me. asks what i would have him do. then speaks his counsel gently into the heart of me. i absorb his wisdom and allow him to have his way with me. wherever his spirit is - there is freedom, or freedom becomes. it is good to be near god.

he challenges me. he has the ability to take every ugly part of me, every broken part of me, every hurting part of me and turn it into the complete opposite to his glory. i have never known another ability to completely transform darkness to light, fear to peace, sorrow to joy, beauty for ashes. wherever we are - whatever our season is - all we need to do is just wait. wait, find our praises to him in that situation, find thankfulness for all we have, and not allow resentment or bitterness or self-pity, etc to take hold and disjoin our union with him. every day we have so much to give thanks for. for the roof over our head, the food we have, the water we drink from our taps - all of this we take for granted whilst others in the world die needlessly each day. everything is relative, but relatively we have it really good.

we can never deny our struggles, our hard times, but we can always affirm god's provision in the thick of this and look back at times where he has brought us through before. he will always bring deliverance. he is victorious over all.

i am anticipating a good and interesting year ahead... god is doing a transforming work in me..... to lead me on to my next path which i am to tread..... it's exciting. but at each stage i have to find the secret of being content in him no matter the circumstances, whether in want or plenty, full or hungry, rich or poor - i have to find the secret of being content whatever the circumstances... being content with what i have - rather than nurturing a sense of lacking for that which i am without.....

Monday: I have made up this blog, played with my children - watched them play together, withstood another day of my daughter's bratz boom box i bought her for her birthday - and another round of girls aloud!! she feels so grown up. each morning when she awakes she tells me she is 5... bless! and now i'm off to transplant my courgettes, cucumbers and tomatoe plants into bigger pots and erect my new little greenhouse thingy - they are so tricky so that should be fun for a D.I. Don't like me!!

This is quite fun actually. Apologies if it makes poor reading by blogging standards... i guess it's a kind of stream of consciousness style of writing.... interesting.